LOOK! UP ON THE COUCH!
It's a sloth! It's a pile of laundry! It's...
SLUG BOY, THE SLOWEST MAN IN THE WORLD!
Nothing can roust him. Nothing can shake him. He cannot be perturbed!
Yes, the silfert household hides a secret. When we last peeked in the window, Madame silfert was gearing up for a date with destiny: Time To Go To Work. In that same instant, mild-mannered Himself ambled forth into action, shedding his helpful, husbandly persona and becoming SLUG BOY!
As silfert pondered the steps required to be Ready For Work, Slug Boy used his telepathic powers to choose the activity most likely to inspire mayhem: he took a shower, which left silfert to mind Slug Junior.
"I have to get dressed! I have to be at work in ten minutes!"
"Hah! Your puny threats are no match for SLUG BOY! I will now Do My Hair!"
With Slug Junior tucked under one arm, silfert managed to drag on clothes and fix the Braid Of Doom.
"Hey, I have to go to work and the baby needs a new diaper!"
"Weep away, mortal female! I'm in search of toilet paper! Hah, hah, hah!"
Making a mental note to seek an appointment with the dentist to do something about that awful grinding noise, silfert changes Slug Junior's diaper and deposits him in the crib. Slug Boy exits the bathroom, one sssssslllllloooooowwwwww step at a time. silfert is nearly dancing with anxiety and rage, needing to flee but wanting to relate important baby information.
"He's still got tummy trouble, so give him some of the banana yogurt. It's mild enough for his stomach."
Slug Boy uses his power of Time Crawl while he formulates his answer.
"It's in the kitchen, on the shelf with his other food."
Slug Boy heads for the counter. A garden snail zips past the window, thumbing its nose.
"NO! The shelf! The shelf with the baby food!"
Slug boy alters his path, one degree at a time, and heads for the refrigerator. Suns go nova during his stately procession.
"NO! THE SHELF! THE SHELF RIGHT THERE! WITH THE LITTLE BOTTLES AND JARS! SHELF!'
Slug Boy's features light, not with comprehension, but with barely suppressed glee. He has acheived his aim. silfert has gone berserk.
silfert attempts to reclaim her cool before flinging herself out the door and into the car.
Mild-mannered Himself throws off his alter ego as he closes the door.
"Hey, there, Junior! Let's go do stuff!"