If I had a pet frog, I'd name it Rosie. Then it would be Rosie the Ribbit-er.
New word: Stincapacitate. This is the physical immobility caused by your spouse leaving the lid off of the diaper pail in a closed room. Often accompanied by watering eyes, gasping, and the odd stagger or two.
Another new word: kint. This is the manipulation of string using pointed sticks and badly written instructions in order to create fabric. Virtually identical to knitting, but includes such errors as miscrossed cables, gorilla-length arms, and tourniquet-like armholes. Kinting is usually followed by frogging, alcohol, and swearing.
If I had a nickel for every time someone accused me of having ADD, I'd... oh look, a chicken!
When a baby drools and rubs peas in his hair, it's adorable. When a grownup does it, he's told to "get help".
Two socks are knitted with identical yarn, needles, and stitch counts. Same number of rows, everything. Why does one sock fit me, while the other works as a car cover?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? And why would you ask a turtle?
Why does my budgie wait until we have visitors before he starts screeching obscenities?
My husband owns seventeen guitars and STILL looks shocked when I mention my intent to go to the yarn store for "one more skein".