A name for the boss.

Back when I was stationed on (On, in, at, whatever.) Redstone Arsenal, I was introduced to the cartoon Ren and Stimpy. Now that I am working for Smalltown Newspaper, I have found a use for my animated past.

The new Circulation Manager (Actually a glorified maintenance man who has difficulty maintaining many of the machines under his haphazard command.) is irritating pretty much everyone with his need to play the one-upmanship game. You took wrestling in high school?He's a black belt in Kung Fu. You know a little Spanish? He studied Russian in college. You're kind of a handyman? He's King of the Fixit Dudes. You have a thing for frosting roses? He's a Master Cake Decorator. Blah blah blah and so forth.

This would be fine if there was even the faintest bit of evidence to back up his claims. He flinches at loud noises. His Russian pronunciation...isn't. He breaks everything at least once before it gets close to being fixed. He has trouble holding a screwdriver, let alone a decorating bag.

To top it off, he's mostly talk. "Yes, I can do anything! But I have to go over there first." Sigh. Most people around here call him Wonder Boy.

I call him...Powdered Toast Man.

Powdered Toast Man comes from the aforementioned cartoon. He flies around, farts a lot, and delivers powdered toast to children. Not exactly a vital sort of superhero. Hence the borrowing of the name for Mister Know-It-All.

He, too, flies around the building. He passes a lot of hot air. He delivers mere crumbs in comparison to his great claims. I'm not bitter. He IS Powdered Toast Man.

I just hope he doesn't show up in a cape and Speedo one morning.