11 June 2010

Murders in the Rue Microwave.

In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't a big deal. As far as entertainment goes, it probably wasn't exactly what the neighbors were expecting to hear.


Let's backtrack a bit.

All I wanted to do was dye some wool. Something fun and summery. So, I bought a bunch of Kool-Aid packets and prepared to experiment. Some cups, some vinegar, a little mixing; I laid out the wet wool on some plastic wrap and proceeded to dribble and squish my fruity-fresh (yet sugar-free) dye to my heart's content.

Okay so far.

Some tucking, some folding, and I had a neat little package to pop in the microwave. Four minutes on the timer, and I walk out of the room. This is where the Slaughterhouse Decor comes in.

See, when you are fairly broke, you buy cheap stuff. Generic macaroni, store brand shampoo, and... discount plastic wrap. You know the kind. It sticks to everything but the bowl. It gets all caught up in itself unless you happen to WANT it to stick to itself, such as when you make a nice, neat little package of wool to be dyed.

Doom was approaching in five... four... three...

"OH MY GOD WHAT THE @#$%!!!"

I wanted to dye wool. My kitchen looked like something had died, all right. I came back in to find drips, splashes, and puddles of dark red all over the floor. All down the front of the cabinet. A bloody red waterfall leaking from the @#$% MICROWAVE?!.

Dear God, the Kool-Aid exploded.

HOW does one cup of black cherry Kool-Aid become a gallon of gore all over my kitchen? WHY did only the cherry flavor erupt while the pink lemonade was perfectly content to be nuked in one place?

I may never drink Kool-Aid again. Can you imagine?

"Hey, lookin' puffy today. What's up?"

"Oh, I drank a bunch of Kool-Aid and now I'm all bloated. I think I might..."


"Ewwwww! And I just washed this shirt!"

On the plus side, the wool is really pretty...


Mags said...

Okay..I'm rolling on the floor laughing.
You are so right....why is it the mess always seems to exceed the tiny amount in the pot.
I don't envy your cleanup job.
At least your yarn is pretty...and you'll knit something gorgeous!
M. xo

dianne said...

it's the same with food - how does something that weighs just 2 ounces become ten pounds of ugly fat?

p.s. - Kim uses a crockpot to dye her wool - it might be safer for you

Molly said...

You're mopping your kitchen, I'm mopping my eyes! Can we have pictures, please? If not of the slaughterhouse decor, then, at least of the successful dye job?

Sue said...

Oh oh, I was thinking of trying this, but maybe I'll think about it a little more. Thanks for the laugh and the warning.

Judy said...

You just gave me a well needed laugh.
Hope the mess wasn't too hard to clean up. Will there be pictures for us to laugh at also?


Anonymous said...

Wow. Just wow. You know, sometimes I think that perhaps God is laughing at me. Then there are those days I KNOW he is. Personally I'm too cheap to buy plastic wrap of any kind, I found it works fine if you just nuke the yarn (either VERY wet or completely submerged) in a glass or other microwaveable bowl. Then just remember to use potholders to remove the bowl. We nuked for 5 minutes, and when it was done, the koolaid dyed water was clear, cause all the dye had soaked into the yarn.

Lourie said...

Ugh! What a mess. But you tell it great.

Dianne said...

Oh, no...Oh nooooooo! I can just imagine the mess! Is it wrong that I am laughing hysterically?

BumbleVee said...

I do mine like yarndork.... only I do tiny bears with my wool...so only need a glass of water to colour it in... and it works fine....

however, feel free to have a laugh at me cooking some rhubarb on the top of the stove... forgetting it.... and only remembering when it was bubbling well over and a stinking, burned mess!! Arrggghhhh!!!! pot and stove almost ruined... a glass top stove is not a good idea...ever. If I totally wreck it... I'm getting a gas range top next! It's gotta be easier to clean!