Well, I've been diagnosed with HUA Syndrome. It's a self diagnosis, but the symptoms are classic and unmistakable. It can't be anything else but... Head Up Arse Syndrome.
Oh, it's been coming on for some time. I just failed to see it, or maybe I didn't want to. It started with little things, like blanking out on the lyrics to my favorite songs. But that can happen to anyone.
Okay, so I spaced on my niece's name for a second. Everybody does that, right? No biggie.
It started to become obvious after I spent ten minutes staring at the wall while writing a check because I couldn't remember the date. It became glaringly obvious after I realized that the patch of wall at which I was staring contained... the calendar.
I have HUA.
I had a full-blown attack this morning. Gotta run to the library, gotta type my column. I waded through the swamp that is our rain-and-snow-soaked yard to get to the car before I realized that my phone was not in my pocket. Not a big deal, but I like to have it handy in case Himself needs to ask if Junior should have the peas or a handful of cookies for lunch.
I slogged back to the house, where my phone was not waiting for me.
It was in my other pocket.
Back to the car.
This time, I made it all the way across Main Street before I realized that I had forgotten my bag. You know, the place where I keep my WALLET and DRIVER'S LICENSE?! Driving around without your license is a bad thing. Leaving the house without my knitting, which is also in the bag, is a horror not to be borne.
I turned around.
I parked out front this time.
I made it to the library and settled into my usual seat without further mishap. I opened the computer, plugged it in, and pulled out my knitting while waiting for the home page to load. Those of you who are very sharp already know what comes next.
I forgot to hit the 'power' button.
Thinking many words that should not be uttered in a library setting, I gave the 'power' button a vicious poke and did a few rows of "angry knitting". The home page loaded, and I'm all set.
Now, why am I here?