There is, unfortunately, all kinds of rudeness in the world.
There's blunt rudeness, like the guy who cuts you off in traffic while simultaneously eating a breakfast burrito, texting a friend, yakking on the phone, and changing the radio station. This is also known as stupid, but we're dealing with rudeness today.
This kind of rudeness usually prompts "in kind" rudeness, such as denouncing the driver's ancestry and personal habits, or demonstrating the California State Bird.
There's unintentional rudeness, like, say, having to blow off your knitting friends even though you've been looking forward to seeing them for weeks but your spouse and child have to come along because you only have one car and you're going to go do stuff afterward and your spouse seems to think that you are multitasking goddess who doesn't mind trying to visit, knit, eat cold soup, AND chase the baby even though he's right there not doing anything and could surely take thirty seconds out of his day to make sure the kid doesn't do a faceplant off of the table.
There's also "left field" rudeness, the kind that comes out of nowhere and leaves you wondering if the rude person in question forgot to take their morning meds. Case in point, a former co-worker.
I arrived at work to find a newbie in our midst. The usual procedure in these cases is an exchange of names and a pleasantry or two, plus directions to the coffeepot and cookie jar. Instead, I was treated to left field rudeness.
My introduction was met right out of the gate with, "Oh, you should cut your hair!"
"Oh, but you could get it cut like mine, and give it to Locks of Love!"
Um, hell no?
See, I have hair. Lots of hair. It goes past my knees. I chop off five or six inches every few months to keep the ends healthy, but I don't get "real" haircuts. Ever. It's just this thing I have about it.
When normal people ask about my hair and the potential for cutting it, I usually give my version of a witty reply. We laugh and the matter is dropped.
1. If I cut my hair, my eyebrows will sag to my knees.
2. If I cut my hair, I'll lose my counterbalance and fall on my face.
3. I know what I look like with short hair.
4. I once won a $30 bet involving the pizza guy, April Fool's Day, and my hair. I might need another $30 someday, so I can't cut it.
5. It keeps me warm in the winter.
6. I'm auditioning for the part of Cousin It in the upcoming Addams Family revival.
7. I'm a spinner, and someday sheep may go bald.
I have never, EVER had another person suggest, without even telling me their name, what I should do with parts of my body. Well, I take that back. I've never had a complete stranger tell me what I should do with my hair. I gave her my best, "Okay, now eat the nice Valium" smile and told her I'd think about it.
Right after I take my pet pig for his pilot's license exam...