18 April 2009

With apologies to Bing.

Raise your hand if you have a spouse, significant other, or family member who comes down with an injury or illness and says, "Oh, let's just wait and see how it looks/feels tomorrow".

Raise your other hand if this drives you insane.

Now wave both hands if you've thumped said spouse/SO/FM in the head and said, "Look, dammit! I'm not @#$%ing around on this one, and you're going to the doctor NOW!"

Roll your eyes and sigh if you were correct in your suspicion of infection or whatever.

Himself is now on a sulfa-based antibiotic for a minor infection in his burns, and has become close friends with good ol' Triple-A Ointment. There will be lots of bandaging going on Monday morning before he leaves for work, and he will come home AT ONCE if a certain dimwit fails to follow simple safety procedures and doens't cover the @#$% holes.

Then I will go and kill the dimwit.

In other news, we're gearing up for Junior's first birthday. ALREADY?! Holy crap, how can that be? Wow. It should be a good time. We're going to host a reception of sorts at the coffeeshop, with a jam session and signs announcing "FREE CAKE".

It has begun to sink in that I am offering free cake in a town of twelve thousand people, most of whom know who we are.

That's a lot of cake.

Maybe some of them will be on vacation.

As a garden columnist and tree freak, it's kind of fitting that my boy's first birthday falls on Arbor Day. We were walking through town a few days ago, and I saw a lawn covered in Star of Bethlehem. "Hey, Little Man! Would you like to gather some stars?"

DING! The muse was upon me like white on rice. For you gardening and musical pleasure, I give you the following:

Would you like to lounge in your yard,
drinking lemonade from a jar?
Watch the neighbor waxing his car;
or would you rather cut the grass?

The lawn mower starts by simply pulling a string,
beware of the malice that it brings!
You pull and strain and still it just won’t start.
You gasp and pant until you clutch your heart!
But if you don’t want to hear your neighbor sass,
I guess you’ll have to cut the grass!

But would you like to lounge in your yard,
eating salty snacks full of lard?
As a job, it isn’t too hard;
or would you rather pull the weeds?

A weed is a plant that likes to get in your face,
and makes any yard a big disgrace.
You rake and dig and hoe and pull and swear,
and still those lousy things are everywhere!
But if you don’t want your yard to go to seed,
I guess you’ll have to pull the weeds!

But would you like to lounge in your yard,
kicking back and counting the stars?
Polish off one more candy bar;
or would you rather trim the trees?

A tree is a friend that offers shade for your head.
It grows every year until it’s dead.
In normal cases, trees will do just fine
until they tangle in your power lines;
and if the wind grows to more than just a breeze,
I guess you’ll have to trim the trees!

And all the monkeys aren’t in the zoo;
they can be trained to mow the lawn, too.
Some are even better then you!
So even if you aren’t a star,
you could be worse off than you are;
At least you’re lounging in your yard!


Lourie said...

No, my spouse is a baby. The lie down and die type. I am the one who puts it off.

Kitten With a Whiplash said...

You already know about Mom - 10 days with a broken wrist before I could get her to the doctor. She's doing really well, and thanks you for asking. I hope Himself will recover quickly, but meanwhile, just a little itching might serve as a reminder to listen to you next time.

Mags said...

Wow..your renditions are far better than the originals!
The 'Grand Poobah' cut the tip off his finger one day..put it back on and wrapped it with duct tape! Mind you it did heal okay. Why won't they just go to the Dr...I'll never figure that one out!
Wish I could go to the party...free cake, it is a big deal! Can't believe your wee man is nearly a year old..time goes by so fast!
Happy knitting.

Sue said...

Great new lyrics, better than the original.

After a serious auto accident a few years ago, the male spousal unit came home from the hospital with a very expensive splint for his injured hand. The insurance, of course, refused to pay for this wonderful splint, it was all ours. As soon as he walked in the door, he removed the splint and refused to wear it again. I almost fed him that splint.

Molly said...

Brilliant! Especially as I was just pulling said weeds [grrr!] yesterday, while The OC trimmed the trees, and The Bean cut the grass....Better, I guess, than having to do it all myself!
Happy Birthday to your Little Man! Maybe you could put some of that cake on here for us cakeophiles!

Dianne said...

One year old already? How can that be? Happy birthday to the little guy!

Lisa Marie said...

It seemed just like yesterday that we visited ya guys @ the hospital and was first introduced to lil T =)

rhubarbwhine said...

My gosh, a birthday already? I'll come for free cake but it's a bit of a hike :) Happy birthday, junior!

Naomi said...

You're baking a cake for Junior's birthday? Free cake, baked by you? Totally worth the plane ticket to Kansas! Happy birthday to the little guy (Shirley says "ma-mana-bi!")