20 December 2008

Another list...

...and this one's to the left! Ha. Heh, heh. Ahem.

Actually, I enjoyed making the List Of Cool Things, so I'm gonna make another list. A list of WTF?!

I have one of those faces. You know, those people that can be in a huge crowd of complete strangers, and before the night is over will have heard five bizarre life stories. I have that face. People will tell me anything.

Some of them know I won't repeat what shouldn't be repeated. Some of them just need a shoulder. Some of them are just plain weird.

I've heard sad stories, funny stories, and stories that left me sitting there with my mouth open wondering, "What the hell just happened?" It is from this last batch of stories that I draw tonight's list. These are three of the most amazing non-sequiturs that have ever been offered to me in conversation.

3. "I got my hair done so I could look good during labor." Ah, no. There's a reason they call it 'labor' and not 'vacation'. Judging from the picture that Himself took whilst I was in the middle of a contraction, it doesn't matter WHAT you do to your hair. You ain't gonna look good during labor.

2. "That sign says 25% off. Does that mean it's 25% off the price?" Now, I knew what she meant. Everybody looks for a good bargain when they're buying fabric, and she just wanted to know if it was 25% off the price marked, or if the tag showed the sale price. However, her turn of phrase brought out the Bill Engvall in me. The first thing to pop into my head (but not out of my mouth, thank God) was, "No, Ma'am, I'm gonig to give you three-quarters of a yard and charge you full price."

And the number one "I can't believe I just heard that" phrase? It was spoken by a woman who was going on and on and ON about why she hated the Three Stooges. A crazy woman, indeed. After exhausting every possible way to say, "I hate the Three Stooges", she finally told us why she felt that way.

"I just thought they was ignernt actin."

Horrible person that I am, I immediately found an excuse to leave the room before I blew my sinuses out of my ears with suppressed laughter.


Kitten With a Whiplash said...

If you are a horrible person, what am I?. I would have simply said "Ingnorant acting perhaps, but didn't you find them to be well spoken?"

silfert said...

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! ;)

Ron Sillett said...

People say and do the weirdest things at the strangest times.

Thanks for the pix and card. He's a keeper. Can't wait to meet him. Give Larry a big HI for us.

Uncle Ron & Aunt Lynn

rhubarbwhine said...

Heh, funny ;)

Mags said...

Great post...as usual!! I almost choked.
Happy knitting.