12 November 2008

Murder and other things on my mind.

Now, those of you who know me well know how I rarely, if ever, complain. I am usually the soul of patience, hardly daring to raise my voice in anger, let alone in discouragement. Why, most times I...

Quit laughing.

Okay, yeah, sure. I complain my brains out if I feel I've been wronged by the universe in some way. I just hate to hear other people complain all the time. Tonight, I am going to throw a gripe-fest. I feel I have the right. Let me set the stage for the story:

I am doing a fiber swap with Knitsinchurch, remember? Well, I dyed some of this and scoured some of that and started packaging some of the other, then headed to the "big stash" in the garage to see what else might be fun to send. It was there that I discovered that Noah sucked.

Yes, Noah of Noah and the Ark. He sucked. Oh, he may have been a nice guy in real life. Great carpenter and all that.

He still sucked.

There he was, lining up animals two by two. Could have done the world a great service and smashed those flies, chiggers, ticks, mosquitoes, and...


Moths have destroyed my big stash. My goat hair, my merino, the black Jacob, the economy-sized bales of "Wool, Generic, One Each". It made me want to bomb the garage with a nuclear cedar block. Incarceration and interrogation at Guantanamoth Bay. Insect carnage to darken the nightmares of the most stalwart spider. Horrible thoughts I had.

Still do, but with one saving notion. I now HAVE to buy more wool. This puts a bit of a light at the end of the fiber tunnel.

Now that I am working through this terrible grief and moving into the healing stage, I will leave you with Scenes From Family Fun Night, featuring Beatle Monopoly.

Enter the participants, stage left.

"Oh, cool! This should be fun."

"I'll be the raccoon!"

"I'm lousy at math. Who wants to be the banker?"

"Okay, I got a six. I go first."

Play begins. A few rounds pass, then:

"That's my property. You owe me fourteen dollars!"

"Jail again?"

"Hah! I passed Go! Gimme my money!"

"Pay each player fifty bucks?!"

"...five, six, seven, crap!"

Things begin to deteriorate.

"Just sell me the damned property already!"

"HAH!! I own that, AND there's a house on it! Fork over the cash!"

"Jail AGAIN?"

"...three, four, @#$%!!"

"Screw you, I'm building a hotel!"

"You put that back right now!!"

All hell breaks loose.

"Fine, here's your stinkin' eight hundred bucks!"

"Get your hands off my token!"

"...eight, nine, ten, OH YOU @#$%&@#$%&!!!"

"I am NOT going to jail AGAIN!!"

"You're cheating!"

"You suck!"

"I hate you people!"

"I'm never playing this stupid game again!"

Stomping of feet and slamming of doors. A silence, then:

"So, whadda ya wanna play tomorrow?"


Dianne said...

Nasty little winged varmints! Maybe you should get a sheep and a goat and an alpaca to have your own never-ending supply of fiber! Just a thought...

Dee said...

I am sorry for your fiber loss but I look forward to seeing the very much justified fiber purchases in the future.

Mags said...

Hey~     The dreaded moth..is he really one of God's creatures??? I feel for you.    We called them "Family Unit Nights." For short "FUN Nights" and no they never were...someone always left in a huff!!!    Happy knitting.        

Anonymous said...

I. HATE. MOTHS. TOO. That seriously sucks the big one.

On the Monopoly front, know what works? One of 2 things. 1. Evenly divide up the entire stash of money amongst all the players. When it says to pay the bank, pay the person to your left. Or right. Or pay everybody a portion. Worked for my sister and me. We'd have a game going on for a week though. Option #2. Don't play. That's the option I use for hubby. Because he's too competitive to want option #1.