Okay, I have a ball of yarn that is cursed. I am convinced of this. I won't mention the name of the yarn or the company, because I'm sure they didn't curse this particular ball on purpose, and their other stuff is very nice and user-friendly, but this ball has a hex on it.
It's a sneaky hex, too. I worked several yards of it with no problem. Finished a pair of little socks, no biggie. The remainder was intended, with some other yarn, as a sweater. Check pattern, needles, gauge; everything you're supposed to do. Cast on, and away!
What the mumble? This is going to be dinosaur-sized! I will run out of yarn before I get done with the neckline, let alone work all the way down the body!
Check gauge again. Somehow, instead of thirteen stitches to two inches (Which I freaking well got before!), I have nine. Rats.
Frog, frog, frog. Discover that although the PATTERN calls for size fours, my new-found gorilla gauge requires ONES. Start again.
After several inches of knitting with DK weight on size one needles, I come to the conclusion that I am knitting chain mail. Since it's supposed to be a sweater, I frog again after allowing my eyes a little time to uncross.
Let's try another pattern. Oh, look. It's happening again. Let's hurt somebody! Ripripripriprip. Okay, forget the sweater. How about a nice blanket instead? Cushy yarn, garter stich squares...I manage six rows before remembering that I loathe making garter stitch squares. I also hate sewing squares together.
I am currently on row fifteen of yet another sweater pattern. If this fails to work, I will make a burnt offering of the yarn to the gods of knitting in hopes that they will take pity on a demented knitter who only wants to use her powers for good.
Anybody want a sweater that can double as armor?