31 July 2009

Killing my alarm clock.

I have this weird habit of thinking that inanimate objects have feelings.

"Stupid light!"

"Don't say that! It's a perfectly good light!" As if the light in question might be insulted and refuse to work. Hey, I once apologised to a table leg for kicking it. In my defense, I was distracted at the time. Having confessed this strange consideration for my stuff, I must confess something else: I am going to kill the alarm clock.

It's been mocking me.

See, I'm busy most of the time, and time is something that the clock is supposed to track for me. What it's REALLY doing is stealing it. I look at the calendar to plan the upcoming week and think, "Oh, there will be plenty of time to do thus-and-so, and such-and-such. Hooray!"

This is where the alarm clock, also called Mr. Overkill, ruins my life.

It starts in the wee hours of the morning. There I am, cozy and asleep. The clock starts laughing at me. Oh sure, it sounds like it's just doing the "beepbeepbeep" thing, but I can pick up the subliminal message.

"HAH HAH! Sucker! Thought you could get some sleep, eh? Loser! You have to go to work early today! Hah hah! Upupup!"

So I get up and start my day. While I am going about my daily duties, the clock keeps changing the displayed time.

"Ah, it's ten o'clock! I can do this task, and there will be plenty of time to get that paperwork done."

"HAH HAH! It's really eleven fifteen! You're gonna be late! Sucker! Hah hah! You'll never get done in time!"

It goes like that all day. Running errands, baby time, spouse time, ME time; it's all interrrupted by the clock. Whenever I think that I can have a few minutes to do something, that "beepbeepbeep" starts up again.

"HAH HAH! You forgot about this! Now you'll have to stay up until midnight! Dork! You'll never sleep again! Hah hah!

What the clock doesn't know is, I went shopping. I bought a NEW clock. And a hammer. Remember the joke about the parrot, asking what the chicken did? Yeah. The new clock will watch as the old clock gets its comeuppance, and I will never have to listen to "beepbeepbeep" again.

"Ah, Junior is taking a nap. I will get my knitting!"

"Why, certainly! And lookee here! You have plenty of time for another cup of coffee. You work too hard, you should rest. I'll tell the oven to make some cookies."

On THAT day, ladies and gentlemen, I will finally finish that @#$%& baby sock.


jillster said...

h We haven't seen our alarm clock since the move. B packed it up in a box of clothes...obviously a box of clothes we haven't gone through yet!

We wake up every morning to the alarm on my cell phone. It seems to be doing an adequate job.

Lourie said...

Just wait til Junior starts school! Talk about time piggy!

Molly said...

I think your alarm clock's twin brother lives here! There never seems to be enough time......Pass me that hammer, willya?

Kitten With a Whiplash said...

You must have found one of those clocks with an elastic face. Stretches time very nicely. And Happy Saturday for no special reason!

Dianne said...

I haven't had to set my alarm clock in more than four years. Tara kindly wakes everyone up several times a night, and never, ever, ever lets you sleep past 5:30am. If she wasn't so cute...